I became a little uppish today. A bit cock-a-hoop. I put on airs. Oh, gentle reader, do forgive me, I wore a sweater vest and ate Heidesand cookies at a tea party for only me.

The Elephant and Butter has issued a challenge to the entire office: Let's combine our various thirsts and drain this entire water cooler in one day! One day! Let's come together as one in one day! Let's reenact the classic Man v. Nature paradigm, from which so much insight has been gleaned in art and literature! Let's be the collective Ahab to this water cooler's Moby Dick! Let's forget our differences and hydrate as one humanity!

But the office largely balks. Someone says: I don't understand why we must do this. The person in charge of our budget tells me my idea is costly. And despite the impressive efforts of a few, the water level hasn't subtracted much (see photo). Perhaps history will regard my ideas more enthusiastically, more seriously, more thirstily.

The Elephant and Butter has been feeling approximately red pants. But persisting nicely. Lemons are being preserved. The Hinterland is being adjudicated. Asparagus is being researched for a free-lance project. I mean, really researched. As in: amino acids, spies, Persia, urination, and possibly even the Queen of England. Details to follow in a couple of months.