Smuggling Bagels Over The Border

{Exhibit A: The non-contraband.}

Border Patrol Officer: Do you have any food with you?

Me: No.

Border Patrol Officer: No food of any kind?

Me: Nope.

Border Patrol Officer: Okay, can you open your trunk please?

Me: Sure.

(The trunk opens and the officer pretty much immediately finds a dozen Montreal-style, wood-fired bagels in plain view. There are some sounds of a plastic bag rustling, and he comes back to my window.)

Border Patrol Officer:  Okay, you can go, but next time declare those bagels. It's important that you answer our questions.

Me (very lamely): Ohhhh, I thought I only had to declare meats and fruits.

Border Patrol Officer: No, you must declare everything.

Let this be a lesson to all readers on how NOT to smuggle perfectly permissible items into the country.